March 31, 2020

Simon Freaks Out at The Coffee Shop

He was done playing around.

Simon was sitting quietly at a table in the coffee shop when his friend came in and sat down across from him.  The friend started complaining about the tomatoes they were selling  at Whole Foods.

As Simon listened to his friend speak he looked down at his coffee cup. He noticed the barista had misspelled his name on the cup. He wondered how anyone could misspell "Simon". Then he realized that the barista had spelled his name as "semen".

He looked up suddenly at his friend and frowned. His friend paused amd sensed something was wrong .

"What's the matter Simon"?

Simon looked back down at his coffee cup. Did his friend just call him semen? Or did he say Simon? It sounded kind of like he said Semen.

"Nothing",  Simon said abruptly.

He looked back up at his friend suspiciously.  He  took a deep breath and  let his gaze slowly  fall back down to the word "semen" written on his coffee cup. Simon knew what was happening.  He didn't deserve this!  This was disrespect plain and simple! Simon started thinking that he was about done with all this shit. Yeah.   Maybe he was too nice of guy. And maybe that  should end RIGHT NOW! He stopped himself  though. He wondered if he was overreacting.  Maybe everyone really thought his  name was Semen.  That would certainly explain things. But no, Simon knew the real reason. EVERYONE IS AN ASSHOLE!  And he  was DONE with their shit!!

Simon clenched his teeth and stood up. He glared  at his friend who looked back at him in confusion.  Simon  maintained eye contact  and slapped the offending coffee cup  across the table to left of  him and right into against wall. SPLAT! Coffee went everywhere.   His friend was shocked and more confused  than before.   There was total silence and all eyes were on Simon. The barista ducked down  behind the counter  and got out his phone.  He was ready to dial 911.

Simon was still staring at his friend. The left side of his  face began to twitch.

"WHAT IS MY NAME"?  he asked his friend in a deadly serious voice.

"Dude, dude, chill man come on. Please don't make a scene" , he said quietly gesturing for him to sit back down.

Simon had heard other people in the past say similar things to him. Always like "don't make a scene" or "don't set that on fire".  That is so annoying. It was just a cup of coffee anyway. It wasn't like he was calling him a disgusting name or something.

"WHAT IS MY NAME"?  Simon asked again.

"Dude you are TOTALLY freaking me out right now" the friend with fear in his eyes.

Then as quickly as it started , it was over.  Simon threw up his hands  and walked out the nearest exit.  His anger had left him and he decided to leave as well.  There were other coffee shops in the world. Those coffee shops might just spell his fucking  name correctly.   Simon didn't think that was too much to ask. Get outta  here Simon! You crazy guy.  This place is a dump anyway. There is coffee all over the goddamn wall over there.

Once he was sure Simon was gone, the friend glanced around to see if people were staring at him. They were. He coughed. He rolled  his shoulders and stood  up and  tried  to act nonchalant walking   to the  counter where the barista was standing.

The barista asked "Is everything ok"?

The friend replied, " I guess so. I have no idea what just happened. "

The barista shook his head.

"That is so weird" , said the barista. "Semen is usually the nicest guy in the world".